15 mins.....

15 mins still to go.....the heart keeps track of the time....when it will be past 'the' time in another part of this country. The mind does not want to do this......keeps ignoring the tendency to look at the time.....keeps telling itself it is free...free from any bonding, free from the 'thought' which wants these 15 mins to pass quickly......
An internal conflict....between my heart and my mind.....self-deception...the conscience silently criticizes the self....criticizes it for not being like the 'enlightened' souls....whose works i read....works which tell us not to conform...but to whose words and actions i try to conform. Such a strange paradox !
The mind bases divides its actions and its own thoughts into good and bad, right and wrong......the thoughts of the 'enlightened' philosophers thrown into the positive part.....This conditions me.....i judge....i think about the sayings which tell us not to judge..not to discriminate....and then i realize that i do not follow them....realize that I am judging, discriminating.......trying to conform......Oh! a vicious cycle....im trying to break out.....'trying' not to try.....and it goes on.......
4 mins. more to go.........