glimpses....

...of 'possible' higher states in the early hours of the dawn. Glimpses or just imagination and self-deception? A gale, a hurricane recently passed by, to be replaced with strong wind, a wind blowing on since ages, bringing in the most unexpected experiences which could never have been imagined. Certainly the winds have not yet broken the young tree, they have only made it stronger, more resistant to withstand the storms which might lie ahead in it's future. In the process they sap out other essential ingredients needed for the growth and sustenance of the tree, creating a strange paradox which asks us the question whether these turbulent times are really beneficial ? It is upto the tree now to use it's experience and self-control in making proper use of these essential resources in ensuring its survival in this growingly aggresive and competitive world. Oh my dear living entity! You already have everything you desire for....put an end to your imagination about reaching that perfect utopian state and look at what you have. Self-confidence and concentration are what will make you ...what you wish for.

wind...

...strong wind...bringing up hidden thoughts..making them fly around like fallen autumn leaves...only to make me realize how thin that self-made protected coating of favorable thoughts really was...breaking it...shaking me up...but in the process..removing the unwanted impurities..purifying the mind...instilling confidence arising from a greater sense of maturity, an understanding of the 'practical' aspect of life...the wind which does more than shake the branches and trees...it shakes the very roots of society and culture-imposed thought pattern in my mind created through the years....the roots are deep...but they will be uprooted eventually and replaced with a strong sapling...which on maturing will not be ever affected by the fiercest gale.

daze...

...in a slight daze...not totally with myself...automated thoughts, involuntary actions ,habits ....driving me to do things...which might not be the best to do at the moment. Postponing, escaping , false assurance...though there was a brief period of rediscovery of the inner self which can concentrate....but again the habits over the months, possibly even years come back...making it difficult to break free...got to pull the energies together and finish this within the next few hours...

Being still...

....is what i'm trying to be...digressing thoughts shoot around...impulses use the precious mental energy to run around, distract.....a slight feeling of fatigue...of body and mind.....trying as usual...probably on a slightly subtler note.....but still the same, struggling, self-conscious self....any improvement?

exploring....

and trying....
exploring new methods..avenues....trying to sustain..infact create interest...and channel that enthusiasm into the completion of more immediate and important tasks. Should not have the crave for self-recognition because that is what pollutes the mind...and sincerity of action. This holds even as i type this...and subtle thoughts shoot out through the neurons.....the situation is more understandable now...but it is strange....very strange.

sanity ....

... is something which needs to be retained at this moment. Losing this is not tough if the unwanted things possible in the future do take place. Life is going through upheavals never seen before....on second thought...these turbulent times do seem to be bringing about a positive change...maybe back to the correct path...But sometimes the storm is a little too threatening...something which can bend a tender , inexperienced stem to its maximum limit.....oh stem....you will grow into a strong trunk...the future depends on you....do hold on....do not break !